


A Christmas Wish

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, joker DCU
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Loss, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Morning, Christmas Wish, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Loss, Father-Daughter Relationship, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Feels, Gotham City - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Joker suicide squad, Loss, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker dcu, The Joker fanfiction, The Joker imagine, Tragedy, Wish Fulfillment, Wishes, wish upon a falling star
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: Eight months ago The Joker convinced himself Emma wasn’t his even after the multiple paternity tests he ordered came back as a match. It was easier to blame Y/N of falsifying the results than being reasonable; that word wasn’t in his vocabulary anyway. Having a family was a distraction he couldn’t indulge; why bother pretending he could play a role he wasn’t born to play?





	A Christmas Wish

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

Christmas Eve

The Joker prepares to knock again when you finally open the door and he squeezes inside the apartment before you can stop him.

“Took you long enough!” J growls and takes the hoodie off his face in a hurry. He scans the premises carefully, not that there’s a lot to see: a tiny lobby, something resembling a minimal kitchen and just one small bedroom which doesn’t take more than 6 steps to get to.

The lights start flickering and he realizes he can see his own breath.  
“Goddamn is cold in here!” the unexpected visitor complains, rushing to grab a blanket from the bed.

“The heater is broken…” you announce and your daughter shyly hides behind you; the three year old still remembers her father even if she didn’t see him for the past eight months.

The Joker paces towards the window in the bedroom, cautiously glancing through the blinds.

“I’m on the run; I’ve been trying to avoid the cops all night. Do you have anything to eat or drink? I’m starving!” he addresses the woman while surveilling the dark streets covered in snow.

You nod a no, lovingly caressing Emma’s head to make her more at ease with his presence.

“I only have my child and a bottle of water…” you point at the plastic container resting on the chair near him.

J grabs the bottle and snarls:

“You don’t want it?”

Y/N’s voice dies out in a whisper as she utters the words:

“You can have it, we don’t need it anymore…”

“Whatever!” The King of Gotham guzzles down the clear liquid, annoyed with the lights that keep on going in and out before settling down. “Aren’t you cold?” he wipes his mouth and tosses the bottle on the floor, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket.

“No…” the woman sadly smiles, “we’re not cold anymore…”

“Hmmm…” J huffs at her remark and the woman speaks out for once:

“You’re not on the run… are you?…”

He frowns, displeased with her comment.

Mostly because it’s true.

“Did you actually come so that I can properly thank you for allowing us to stay in this dump? You didn’t order the landlord to kick us out like you did with the others.”

“Shut up, Y/N!” The Joker threatens, more and more antagonized. “I couldn’t care less about you and the brat!”

“You mean your daughter?” you bite on your cheek since it hurts to hear him talk about her as if she’s a stranger and not his own flesh and blood.

“She’s not mine!” he raises his voice and Emma whimpers, not comprehending why her mother is upset.

“She’s your baby and you know it! After being her dad for more than two years, what made you think that she’s not yours anymore? Hm…? What happened?” you ask and J doesn’t understand why your voice sounds it’s coming from all around him, the echo bouncing off the bare walls almost hurting his ears. “Do you know how hard it was after you chased us away and told everyone I knew that if they help me you’ll kill them? Do you…” and Y/N closes her eyes at the painful confession, “…do you have any idea about the things I had to do in order to survive? The humiliation?…”

The Joker wants to walk towards you and harshly reply to your accusations but his legs won’t move: it’s so chilly it makes him shiver.

Where is the cold air coming from?

You pick up the little girl and hold her in your arms, backing out towards the exit.

“I wasn’t guilty of anything. Neither was Emma! How could you do this to us? You bitter, resentful man! We didn’t deserve this!” Y/N blames the person responsible for her misfortune and J is getting irritated at her bold remarks.

Emma sniffles on your shoulder and you kiss her temple, relieved you are both free now.

“We only stayed because I hoped you will show up one day so I can tell you how wrong you were to do this to us. You were so wrong…” the woman starts crying while opening the door.

The lights are flickering again and it takes The Clown Prince of Crime a lot of effort in order to drag his boots on the freezing concrete.

“I’m here now, Y/N! We need to talk!” he tries to reason with her; the answer given doesn’t make any sense.

“But we’re not here,” you hold your daughter tighter. “Why even bother?…We’re not here anymore,” and you rush out of the suite with The Joker following your steps.

“Hey, where are you going? I said we need to…” and J pauses when he realizes the dim hallway is deserted. “…Talk,” he finished the sentence, confused. “Y/N?” he turns left and right, not sure how in the world you vanished so fast.

The Joker starts walking towards the stairwell, pulling the hoodie over his face when he notices there is someone smoking outside their condo.

“Did you see a woman and a child passing by?” he asks the lady.

“No, nobody,” she takes a deep drag out of her cigarette and blows the smoke seconds later. “Who are you looking for?”

“The woman in 302B,” The Joker sneers and he gets a weird question:

“Are you one of her customers?”

“What do you mean?” his deep voice makes the lady roll her eyes.

“Look around you, buddy. Does this seem like Buckingham Palace to you? This floor doesn’t even have bathrooms in the apartments, we all have to share the restrooms at the end of the corridor; rent is cheaper. So when I say customers, I’m certain you understand the implications forcing a single mother living here to do whatever she could in order to make it from one week to the other.”

The Joker is silent and the chatty woman takes it as an invitation to continue the conversation:

“You’re not one of her customers then?”

“Nah; she just owes me money,” he grumbles, already unhappy with the dialogue. “Do you know Y/N?” J cracks his knuckles while debating if he should snap the lady’s neck. Maybe not yet; she might be able to tell him where you ran off to.

“Well, I occasionally babysat her daughter. She tried to find regular work but she was either turned down or fired the next day after getting hired. She said she knew why. I guess her ex was a powerful man in this town: woke up one day with the weird idea the kid’s not his. Things got worse and worse until he kicked them out and made their existence a living nightmare…What kind of jerk would do that to his kin?… “, the lady debates and expects a reaction from the person in front of her, but there’s none. “Probably an already married politician: he had fun and then threw the evidence in the trash. Another asshole that thinks he rules the world…” the lady sighs and takes a second cigarette out of pocket, the poorly lit hallway making it impossible for her to discern who’s hiding behind the hoodie.

Maybe it’s better that the darkness conceals the outrage building up inside The Joker.

“Do you have any idea where she might be?” he raises his voice, fed up with the blabbermouth.

“Unfortunately, yes. If she owed you money you’re not going to get it back. Y/N and the little girl passed away three weeks ago: the heater in their apartment broke down in the middle of the night and they didn’t know. There was a carbon monoxide leak and they died in their sleep from inhaling the poisonous gas.”

Awkward quietness… and The Joker finally lifts his head up.

“Huh?”

“They’re dead, buddy. You can’t get your money,” the woman lights up her new cigarette as she tosses the bud from the old one on the floor.

He frowns at the sentences and adds: “What are you talking about?! I just saw them!”

The lady doesn’t approve his attitude or the strange switch in the discussion.

“Then you need some strong meds!” she shakes her head in disapproval and enters the condo, slamming the door in The Joker’s face. “Goddamned weirdo!” the muffled voice cusses and normally he would charge at the door to break it down and kill the woman for such an affront, yet he doesn’t.

He’s aware she’s telling the truth. That’s why he was there: to visit the empty apartment that once belonged to his estranged family. The Joker did not see Y/N and Emma. The Joker did not talk to them. Or maybe he thinks he did because he’s crazy and completely lost his mind since finding out the shocking news.

Eight months ago The Clown Prince of Crime convinced himself the little girl wasn’t his even after the multiple paternity tests he ordered came back as a match. It was easier to blame Y/N of falsifying the results than being reasonable; that word wasn’t in his vocabulary anyway. Having a family was a distraction he couldn’t indulge; why bother pretending he could play a role he wasn’t born to play?

Once upon a time The Great Joker was a lousy husband and a lousy father, not that it mattered to a man like him.

Then what the hell is he doing in this God forsaken building hopelessly searching for someone he did not want around anymore to start with?…

************* 

2 hours later, Eternal Peace Cemetery

“Start digging!” The Joker orders his henchmen and they look at each other, confused. “Are you deaf?!” he growls at their hesitation. “I said start digging!!!”

The crew glares at the mound of soil quite intrigued since grave desecration is maybe the only bad thing they didn’t do so far.

“Mister J,” Frost tries to change his boss’s mind, “the ground is frozen and it will take a while to…”

“And how is this any of my concern?!” J lifts up the collar of his thick winter coat, vexed they are wasting time instead of questioning their leader. “If you make me repeat myself one more time, I can guarantee none of you will leave this place tonight! I see plenty of empty holes around! Bring some shovels and START DIGGING!!!!” he yells and the 20 men accompanying The Joker spread around the cemetery as Frost is barking orders.

“Seal the gates and make sure nobody comes in! We have shovels in 3 vans, bring them over! We need more flashlights too! Move it faster!”

J peeks at the metal cross engraved with the two names: “Y/N & Emma,” irked by its simplicity; nothing that would indicate a Queen and a Princess lie 6 feet under the cold snow. They were even buried together in the same coffin to save space; nobody claimed them and the landlord took care of the funeral the best way he could, using money from the church’s charity fund. He thought it was a good idea because it was obvious the two of them only had one another; might as well be together in the afterlife also.

Not a single soul that knew them attended the funeral service, afraid The Joker will retaliate if he finds out.

But somebody was there to witness the burial: The King of Gotham actually went to the ceremony. He felt nothing while watching from the distance and barely heard any words the priest uttered on that cold Monday morning. J didn’t have patience to wait until the end and bailed, glad that part of his life was totally over with.

Yet the relief he craved for never came; afterwards, The Joker found himself aimlessly wandering around the building where his wife and child used to live on a regular basis. He avoided entering the empty apartment at all costs, unaware of the reason why: The Clown Prince of Crime was grieving the loss of his family.

Today was the first time he went inside the deserted condo and thought he saw and talked to his girls. Such a shame they weren’t actually there, just memories fueled by The Joker’s insanity.

“Sir,” Frost gets his attention. “Would you like a coffee or tea to warm up? I can send Richard to get it.”

“No,” J hides his fingers inside the furry pockets of his coat. “I’ll roam the nearby streets for a little bit, you can chain the gates after I’m out. Make sure to keep watch and let me in once I return.”

Jonny opens his mouth and he gets cut off:

“No, I don’t need an escort!” the green haired man struts towards the gates, eager to see something else besides the desolated landscape belonging to Eternal Peace Cemetery.

He takes a left on Cherry Lane Avenue and keeps marching on the darker side of the road, only the blue eyes showing from behind the high collar. A gush of strong wind brushes his forehead, making the perfectly styled locks quite a mess. He ignores the rebel strands flying around his face and hurries up while passing by a playground where a couple of children are still playing in the snow.

“Mooomyyyy,” the boy whines, “Jessica pushed me!”

“I did not!” the little girl defends herself.

“You’re driving me nuts!” their mother complains since she’s been dealing with bickering all evening. “Can’t you behave?!”

The boy giggles and his sister kicks his shin, sticking out her tongue in the process.

“Ugh!” the exasperated parent looks towards the sky, ready to call it quits for the night since it’s passed dinner time and the kids repeatedly refused to leave. “Hey!” she points out towards the shimmery heavens. “Look, a falling star! Quickly, make a wish!” the woman urges her offsprings.

The Joker stops in his tracks and glares at the sky too, noticing the shooting star the woman is talking about. After a few seconds of silence, the fight resurrects full throttle:

“I made my wish and it will come true!” the girl brags, jumping up and down.

“No, mine will come true! I deserve it, I was good today!” her brother gives her a nudge, sulking. She trips him and they both fall in the snow, screaming and giggling up a storm.

“It doesn’t work that way,” the lady laughs as she tries to separate the kids and get them on their feet. “Everyone that sees the falling star makes a wish and it won’t come true for the person that deserves it, but for the one that needs it the most!”

The children are not listening, too preoccupied with their silly feud.

“Ok, let’s go home or Santa won’t bring you any presents!” the mother encourages the siblings and objections follow instantly.

J frowns at the ruckus, mumbling stupid nothings without noticing:

“I wish I could have my girls back…”

He takes a deep breath and resumes his walk, guessing it will take the gang at least 5 hours to dig out the grave.

************

The fire burning in the trash cans scattered around the tomb illuminate the surrounding area, giving out much needed warmth also.

“Open it!” The Joker commands and Frost hesitates for a moment, then uses the crowbar to force open the cheap casket.

“Oh my God,” Nick whispers and he is elbowed by the goon next to him: it’s better to shut up in these circumstances; you never know how their leader will react given the present situation.

The men wearing hats or hoodies take them off as a sign of respect for the departed Queen and Princess: frozen in time, they both seem to be asleep. Emma is cuddled to her mother, small crystals of ice visible on their cold skin. The bodies hardly show any decay marks due to the harsh winter Gotham has been under lately.

J takes off his jacket, carefully covering his wife and daughter.

“Go get Mister Joker another coat and blankets,” Jonny discretely mutters towards Richard. “Hurry up!”

“I want to be alone,” The King of Gotham shrieks and takes a sit in the snow by the casket, not particularly overwhelmed at the sight of his deceased family. He’s not entirely sure what the hell he’s doing here to begin with.

It’s almost 4 in the morning on Christmas Day and The Joker is tired after barely resting throughout the previous 48 hours.

“Sir…” Richard hands him a jacket and a stack of blankets, reckoning his boss won’t budge from that spot until dawn. “Is there anything else you need? Are you hungry?”

“I.WANT.TO.BE.ALONE,” J grumbles and yanks the items out of Richard’s hands. The henchman gets the hint and distances away; there’s not a lot he can do right now so might as well join the others until The Joker will tell them what to do.

Frost keeps on patrolling the perimeter until he realizes J’s head is resting on the casket because he dozed off, probably exhausted from insomnia.

************

The Joker feels a slight pressure on his lips, then your voice in the stillness:

“Hey, wanna have some fun before Emma wakes up?”

You kiss him again, wrapping your left leg around his waist.

“Come on, let’s full around sleepyhead. Waaaaake uuup!” you softly sing in his ear.

He opens his eyes, then closes them.

“Wow, you’re getting old,” you snicker and pinch his arm. “ Hellloo-hoooo, I require my husband’s services… Anybody home?” Y/N slaps his butt and J opens his eyes again. “There you are!” you struggle to pull him in your arms, confused at the way he’s looking at you. “Ummm… what’s wrong?”

The Joker seems petrified and it worries a disappointed wife.

“Are you getting sick?”

It’s a well-known fact he’s a horrible patient.

Instead of an answer you’re getting hugged so tightly it knocks the breath out of you.

“Oh,” you gasp for air, taken by surprise. “This is not what I had in mind but we can snuggle,” you smile and tilt your head to see him better. “Are you alright?”

The Joker nuzzles in your long hair, his embrace intensifying.

“Are you really here?” the chewed words puzzle you.

“What do you mean?” you reply with a question yet he doesn’t explain so you continue: “Cuddling is nice and I’ll take whatever affection I can squeeze out of you, but I was hoping we can make love before Emma wakes up,” you wink. “It’s been a few days and I miss you. I already locked the door,” you caress his thigh and him jumping out of bed startles you.

You watch your husband stumble on the carpet and falling down on his knees, immediately regaining balance before unlocking the door.

“Where are you going?!” you get up and follow him while he runs ahead to your daughter’s bedroom.

He barges in and rushes to her bed, picking the three years old up as she protests for being abruptly woken up:

“Daaadddyyy,” she yawns and stretches a bit, eyelids heavy as he paces around the toys piled up on the floor.

“I know she’s mine… I know she’s mine… I know she’s mine,” The Joker repeats in a low tone as he’s soothing the fussy little girl. He kisses her temple and the tiny hands find their way around his neck.

“Daaadddyyy,” Emma sulks half asleep and her mother approaches, not comprehending the reason for J’s strange behavior.

“What’s happening?” you touch his face and he pecks your wrist, using the spare arm to hold you.

After such a long time, The Joker is hugging both his girls again, thinking that is better to be a lousy husband and father than a childless widower.

He knows he doesn’t deserve a second chance, yet a wish upon a falling star is not granted to someone that deserves it, but to the person that needs it the most.


End file.
